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If I don’t say this now, is there a chance no one ever will? Empty orange bottles on your window sill. They can take away the pain, but they can’t change the way you feel. If I could turn back time, I’d pick up the phone to let you know on that night, you weren’t alone. If you had made it to the morning, would you have been a different man? Could you have caught yourself from falling again? We’re left with fragments and pieces of a life incomplete, as we try to at least understand. How were you so decisive before you decided to start it all over again? Over time, what was a habit had slowly developed to become a need. Was this a byproduct of an increase in dose? Was it a conscious decision to leave? I didn’t say a thing. I saw the signs, but I couldn’t find the words say. I noticed you weren’t quite the same. I know there’s nothing I can change with questions it’s too late to ask. Were you still running from those images stuck in your head? Or were you chasing your ghosts, out after something instead? I’m standing, staring at stone. Two dates, a name, and a dash. Swearing that I should have known, with questions it’s too late to ask.

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from Sometimes You Have to Leave, released November 14, 2020

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Ridgeview Sacramento, California

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