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I’m not here out of love, but am here out of obligation. Mascara stains on my shirt from tears that I don’t deserve. It’s clear that we’re not worth saving. So don’t stay here for show, I already know. You say you’re breaking, but you don’t. You’re calm, collected, and composed. My hands were shaking, now they won’t. Can’t even fake it, so I know it’s probably time for me to go. We made conversations out of words I never thought I’d have to say. And though we built this home on hope and grace, we disassembled what we’ve made. Instead we chose to watch it all disintegrate. Now there are bags packed by the door beside these empty dresser drawers. I had expected to feel more, but there is nothing left. We’re nothing to restore. I’m not here out of love.

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from Sometimes You Have to Leave, released November 14, 2020

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Ridgeview Sacramento, California

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